Jokes (EN)

[iambored]

its the story of a turtle taking the plane

when the plane takes off, the turtle eyes convulse and it says aaaaaaaarch

 

sorry >;<

[GrisoM]

/lmao.

 

Who laugh now?

 

/lmao

 

ONT:

 

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

 

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

 

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

 

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

 

 

 

 

[ђ๏†ωђээℓž]

blonde lady: hello

Gerent: hi

blonde lady: i want that tv, please

Gerent: sorry we dont sell to blonde ladys

the blond lady was sad and paint her hair of black

blonde lady: hello

Gerent: hi

blonde lady: i want that tv, please

Gerent: sorry we dont sell to blonde ladys

blonde lady: how you know that i m a blonde lady ?

Gerent: because that product is not a tv is a microwave stupid dumbass!

 

:D :D :D :D

[hetea]

the aggressive piggy on the train.

an old lady says: could you please close the window?? its cold outside!

the aggressive piggy closes the window and replies hysterical: IS IT WARM OUTSIDE NOW???

[savvas1234321]

hahahahah polu gelio!!!

[taraska]

I've never had one condom break. Either I'm the luckiest son-of-a-bitch who ever was -- and I'm not -- or this is the most reliable product since the toaster

[taraska]

Can you imagine being bilingual? Or even knowing anybody that was? I'm not even unilingual

[taraska]

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.

[taraska]

I got waken up in the middle of my sleep by a ghost. And I wasn't scared anymore, because the ghost had an Indian accent.

[*SlimShadow*^]

is 1 and later is 2 :D

[timmy666]

 

Two friends sitting at the bar and complain that their wives are appalling. The first says:

 

My is so terrible that, as it set on the field instead of fright, the birds gave last year's cherries...

 

The second :

-My wife has the dimensions of 90/80/70

-quite well

- Yes ... The second leg where the same

[rippo]

some funny stuff in here xD

[L1v3]

Lol nice jokes :D :D

[GrisoM]

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son.

They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,

"What are these, Dad?

 

To which the man matter-of-factly replies,

"Those are called condoms son. Men use them to have safe sex."

 

"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively.

Yes, I''''ve heard of that in health class at school."

He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks,

"Why are there 3 in this package?"

 

The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one

for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."

 

"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks,

"Then who are these for?"

 

"Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO

for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."

 

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks,

picking up a 12 pack.

 

 

With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied,

 

"Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one

for March........"

[GrisoM]

Is sex a sin?

A man wondered if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin.

The reason is because he is not sure if sex is work or play.

So he goes to a priest. He asks for the priest's opinion.

After consulting the Bible, the priest says,

"My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not

permitted on the Sabbath."

The man thinks, "What does a priest know about sex?"

So, he decides to ask a minister. The minister gives the same reply as the priest had

given him. Sex is work, and therefore not permitted on the Sabbath.

Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out a Rabbi.

The Rabbi ponders the question, then states,

"My son, sex is definitely play."

The man asks, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others are convinced that

sex is work?"

The Rabbi replies, "If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it."

 

Haha